You’re Not Procrastinating. You’re Processing.
You are intelligent, capable, and fully aware of everything you are currently not doing. You call it incubating, not delaying.
But you feel alienated by the $82 billion productivity industry that promotes hustle culture’s drive for “now” over “soon.”
Feel affirmed that your slow-burn approach is validated – even celebrated – by other diligent dilly-dalliers when you join The Ministry of Procrastination, where there is no shame in solving today’s problems, tomorrow.
“Tomorrow” — Annie, 1977. Nearly our official anthem.
JOIN MoP
(when we get the link working)
MoP Serves Three Kinds of Deliberate Pacers
You’re probably one of them.
- THE BRILLIANT DELAYER For students who submit at 11:58 PM and somehow still set the curve. Your delay is not your defect. It’s your design.
- THE HIGH-FUNCTIONING PROCRASTINATOR For professionals who’ve never missed a deadline that actually mattered. Stop managing your procrastination. Start deploying it.
- THE PROCRASTINATION-CURIOUS PROFESSIONAL For coaches, researchers, and HR leaders who’ve been working around this gap for years. The research is real. The community is ready. The conversation is overdue.
The DELAY Brand Pillars
Five pretty important pillars suggest the direction for everything we do at The Ministry of Procrastination.
D — Deliberate Every delay worth owning is a choice, not a character flaw. The Ministry exists to help you tell the difference.
E — Exhale The first act of membership is releasing the shame that hustle culture installed without your consent.
L — Linger Great ideas don’t emerge on demand. They incubate. They steep. They ripen. Rushing them is the only actual mistake.
A — Aspire Procrastinators delay because they care too much to settle for less than their best. This makes them the most quietly ambitious people in any room.
Y — ? Still working on it.
We Finally Found Our Home
Headquartered in Seattle, WA, Land of Brighter Tomorrows
The Ministry of Procrastination was inspired by a radical idea: that the 300 million people who procrastinate regularly aren’t broken. They’re processing.
The founding moment arrived, as these things do, later than planned.
Seattle was always inevitable — 152 days of grey drizzle annually, a coffee shop on every corner, and the pure, irresistible irony of opening the world’s first procrastination association in the shadow of Amazon and Microsoft, two institutions that turned productivity guilt into a corporate religion.
We didn’t choose Seattle. Seattle chose us. Eventually.
[Read the full story, it’s almost done→]
We considered New Jersey, but it’s obnoxious.
Membership You Can’t Wait to Join, But You Probably Will
The Three Orders of the Ministry
Membership is not a journey, more of a wander.
I. Dawdling Noob:
Where every distinguished career in procrastination begins. You belong here. You’ve always belonged here. It’s just taken you a moment.
II. Distinguished Fellow of Tomorrow:
For members who have demonstrated sustained commitment to understanding the psychology of delay — and deploying it with intention and distinction.
III. Order of Cras:
We finally learned that the word Cras is Latin for “Tomorrow.” That’s why we used if for the Ministry’s highest honor. Awarded to those who have not merely embraced the philosophy of “Not quite yet,” but have made it scholarship. (By invitation only, someday).
Applications are stacking up.
JOIN MoP
(the link’s almost working)
MoP’s logo was inspired by Salvador Dalí, who understood that time is not a rigid structure but a suggestion, best observed melting gently over the edge of something more interesting.
MEMBER BENEFITS
What You Get When You Join MoP
A Pretty Comprehensive List:
Behavioral science that finally explains you — not as a cautionary tale, but as a case study. Research-backed frameworks for understanding why you work the way you work, written for people who intend to read it.
Membership in the world’s only professional community where “I’ll get to it” is a legitimate strategic position. Not a support group. Not a productivity course in disguise. A genuine institution that has reviewed the evidence and taken your side.
Your official MoP rank in the Three Orders of the Ministry. You begin as a Dawdling Noob. This is an honor.
The MoP Welcome Packet. Digitally delivered within a reasonable timeframe, once we finish it.
A legitimate institutional answer to give anyone who asks why you haven’t started yet. “I’m incubating. It’s a Ministry thing.”
Our nearly-monthly newsletter, The Dawdle. Sent when it’s ready. Not when the calendar insists.
Invitations to Ministry events. Scheduled for dates to be determined, in the fullness of time, at venues that felt right eventually.
Full access to the DELAY framework. Four pillars completely articulated. One still in development. We find this relatable.
The right to display the MoP seal. Communicating institutional affiliation to colleagues whose productivity guilt you are no longer obligated to share.
Formal absolution from the $82 billion productivity industry’s judgments. Not legally binding. Deeply satisfying.
The spiritual patronage of Saint Expeditus. Who defeated procrastination and therefore understands it better than anyone currently selling you a morning routine.
Eligibility for consideration for the Order of Cras. By invitation. Someday. Should we ever convene a committee.
Community membership among equally high-functioning, deeply capable, professionally embarrassed delayers who have never once missed anything that actually mattered. You’ve been looking for these people your entire career.
The radical permission to stop apologizing for your process. Complimentary with every membership tier. No upgrade required.
And finally: a sense of belonging so complete you’ll wonder why you waited this long.
(You already know why.)
JOIN MoP
(just about there)
Our Patron Saint of Procrastination
Sure, he defeated procrastination, but it took a while.
Saint Expeditus. Roman centurion, patron of urgent causes and quick solutions — and, by the Ministry’s grateful and reluctant adoption, the patron saint of procrastination itself.
The legend: a crow appeared before him crying cras, cras — Latin for tomorrow.
Expeditus crushed it underfoot and declared hodie: today. He literally defeated delay.
The Ministry claims him fully. Aware of what this says about us.
Cras and hodie — tomorrow and today — are the two forces the Ministry holds in permanent, productive tension.
We are not anti-urgency. We are pro-process. And Saint Expeditus, who knew the value of now and the pull of not yet, understood something that no productivity platform has ever grasped:
The most interesting work happens in the space between when something is due and when it begins.
Start Your Wandering With MoP Soon
There’s no time like the present to appreciate what might happen tomorrow. We look forward to hearing from you, whenever.
JOIN MoP
(We, of course, appreciate your patience with the link not yet working)
How We Built The Ministry of Procrastination Brand Today in Just Four Hours (Made Our Members’ Heads Spin)
Last month, I built the satirical brand of ComaDose from scratch using the StoryCycle Genie®. People had asked me if it could be done, so I did it.
Matt, our brilliant developer of Brightsy, the platform that hosts the StoryCycle Genie®, just went through a major rebuild to enhance our platform. He asked me to test the upgrades by building another brand. So I opted for one more of my satirical brands, The Ministry of Procrastination.
I first designed the market category for MoP using the Brand Intelligence Genie™. That took about 40 minutes, and then I moved to the Brand Story Genie™ to craft the foundational brand narrative.
Then I created my three audience story strategies with the Audience Narrative Genie™. I brought it all together with the Content Playbook Genie™.
I collaborated with Web Copywriter Genie™ to create this landing page for MoP.
All In…
I spent four hours and around $120 to design and launch this satirical new brand.
What are you waiting for? Test the strength of your brand story now, for free, with our Brand Story Grader™.
Because there’s no need to waste time with an old brand story.
Story on!
